It seems like we’re herded through life by our emotions, the irrational signposts that they are. We have this sense of duty, of purpose, the entire time. The human spirit, the american spirit, the drive and the aspirations. And we’re never sure where it came from but we know we’re normal if we have it. They’ve told us it’s normal to have it, just as they’ve told us everything else.
The first shelter we find ourselves under in youth is cluelessness. We’re not supposed to worry about the changes, yet. We’re supposed to enjoy the simplicity while we can, before they say we can’t anymore. Followed by that is the part where we figure it all out, the guided tour. School days are spent teaching us math while we’re learning people, and keeping us from becoming the bad element. By the time you’re wrapping that up, you’re supposed to have been working on something else this whole time: your future. You never feel prepared for it because they were telling you to focus on other things, and all the while insisting you shouldn’t always do what they tell you. Pretending to nurture and foster creativity as long as it plays by their rules.
And then you hit your early 20′s, you’re excited just to be where you are in the game. Because that’s all it has been until this point, another game. But you feel that same drive and that same purpose, without the cynicism that your parents feel, and the world is your oyster. But you fall behind, you step and stumble once and the game isn’t fun anymore. At some point someone took your game and made it feel like work. And you can’t buy what you want, you can’t leave when you wish and you can’t start over. It’s too far gone.
And before you know it, the only thing you have left is your emotions and that’s supposed to comfort you. That’s supposed to easy your fall from glory, from potential. When really, without all that build up, our emotions were always all that mattered. We have decided at some point that the meaning of life is more than just simply living, but living well and fat and rich. Our kids grow up defining themselves by their toys and our old die doing the same.
